Amalgam of a Scream

I watched Requiem for a Dream last night. It's an Aronofsky film about addiction, as all his stuff is. Disturbing. That one's going to stay with me for a spell.

7 hours of class manana. It never ends. It was 72F today. 74F manana. Loco.

Baseball has begun. Praise Jah. The 2011 Hardball Fantasy Basball League is under way.

i am a shadow of my former shadow. Not sleeping well. Too much stress, having to move AGAIN and all. Maybe some nice post-apocalyptic fiction will help me sleep.

All something and no something makes me something something. I forget the rest.

Tomorrow at 22:30 the weekend begins.

Come up screaming
-Big Country

World's End

After the Waterless Flood


i finished Oryx and Crake. Phenomenal! Today i got the sequel, The Year of the Flood. I can't recommend the first one enough. It's about a bio-engineering apocalypse. I dig a good dystopian novel. This one was exceptional. Someday the world will end. I just hope i'm not there to see it. Hopefully humanity has a few hundred years left. If a not a few thousand. Human, as we know us, go back to about 5,000 BC. Written history starts around 4,000 BC in Mesopotamia (Sumerians) and in China. We've been here quite a long time. Let's keep it that way.

There has to be an invisible sun
that gives its heat to everyone
-The Police

Bender Tuesday, part 5

Yes, the good times of Bender Tuesday live on. Now - it's off to class. More teaching. Always teaching. Always. It's what i do.

duckbilled and mammalian (or Lunes)

Well, my boss, Alicia, was thrilled with the midterm grades on what she considered a challenging test.

One Little Victory
-Rush

Ugh! 6.5 hours today. 6.5 tomorrow starting at 10:00. We're not in Kansas anymore, Frodo.

Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot.

Wake up at 8:30.


Tomorrow is Bender Tuesday.

From Out of Darkness

Here i stand with my own kin at the end of everything -Big Country

20:11

Red light.

Green light.

Time to watch Kansas/VCU and then UNC/Kentucky. Could the only two states that start with the letter K (the freak letter) get into the Final Four? All things are possible.

I wallow in the Dark Times. Like those parts of the Bible filled with blood, snot, vomit, locusts, disco music, legwarmers and usurious interest rates. A friend of Lola's has a flat near here and he was fine with me staying for 3 months. But Lola is moving in too, who has a dog, which is too risky, especially in Spring. I have been trying to meet with Maria for two weeks now, but she is overcome by crisis after crisis. Her sister is sick with bad anxiety attacks, Maria has already failed her driving test twice and she is back with her drama filled loser boyfriend. I'm gonna look around in Madrid, but if i leave early they may steal my deposit again. It's like the Wild West here. If only i was allowed to carry a firearm there'd be no problem. The bad news about Maria's is Getafe is so far.

21:29

But from out of the darkness can come good things. However, i've also been called annoyingly optimistic.

None of us perfect. Even in the Bible, Jesus disses his Father before he dies (Why hast thou forsaken me?) And you know what? He had a very good point.

SO here i stand at the final four months of my Exile. The last mile. Who knows what it will hold, but good things i trust.

Better than the survivors in the post-apocalyptic novel Oryx and Crake. But its Fantastic. Margaret Atwood is great at futuristic dystopian fiction. i've been devouring it since miercoles and can't recommend it highly enough. My friend Carla told me about it on Bender Tuesday.

Over the past two days i have listened to every Van Halen album except FAIR WARNING and VAN HALEN I, which i listen to on a semi-regular basis. This must be a sign of the pressure getting to me. But, i really did enjoy them.

Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
Remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day?
-Pink Floyd

Okay- Mas Limpizando (more cleaning)! Then mark the writing section of the Midterm and they will all be graded. The final grade distribution should fall into a nice bell curve, as the Mum taught me a good test should when i was like 15.

Be careful what you say to your children! THEY ARE LISTENING!

So, please don't say things like monkey molester, bearded clam, ass rammer, bleeding like a cut pig or homo hot tub. Please.... think of the children!

I believe the children are our future
-Whitney Houston

Virginia Commonwealth U is kicking the sweet baby Jar Jar Binks out of Kansas. Be wary, lest the South rise again!

Like that man told you in the movies last night, beware of the midgets. They're taking over the world. - Mr. Hennessey, Foul Play

22:47

Well, mis alumnos did well on the Midterm. Grades were 77, 83, 83, 86, 87, 90, 93 which makes a fairly decent bell shape when you graph it. The mean was 86. So, they all did well on a challenging test. I am pleased with their scores and also happy that this is over. It took a hell of a lot of time. But all in all it was a great experience.

So this is my light in the distance this week. The green light i can see across the Sound from Daisy's Dock.

See. Told you everything would be okay.

Spanish Dye

Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify and I want to know why
I pick myself up off the ground to have you knock me back down
Again and again and when I ask you to explain
You say, you've got to be...

Cruel to be kind in the right measure
Cruel to be kind it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind means that I love you
Baby, got to be cruel, you got to be cruel to be kind
-Nick Lowe

Okay. I am over Bayside. I've saw her last night too with Susana. And creating a little space is 20/20. The Mum was all worried. She sent me a bottle of Spanish Dye which is anaphrodisiac (works quite the opposite of Spanish Fly.) It contains 10 shot shots of grain alcohol, is infused with garlic and makes you flatulent as hell for 36 hours. i trusted myself, so Instead of taking it i poured into Douchey Smurf's (the new name for my landlord) mango, pear, grape juice which comes in a box. That should make his Sabado evening a hit! Thanks Mum!

So we are halfway through the semester. I may be gone for good at the end of July. 4 months. Ugh. I need to find work in the USA. It doesn't seem so promising.

So, fuck it. We'll just give the blog a superficial makeover, change the color, and hold on for the last 4 months. It's going to be an eventful ride, methinks. Time to grade some midterms! Do i know how to party or what?

Past Midterm

The midterm is over. I think it went well. We'll see when i grade it. Daylight savings starts on Domingo.

Time is passing
-The who

"The harvest is past, the summer has ended, the winter is in the rear view and still we are buggered." -Traditional

I am tired down to every square centimeter of my body.

But no more class on sat. That's a good thing. Now i actually get two days off. Seriously, i am not as young as i used to be. Back in the day.

Spectacle

Pigoons, Oryx and Crake


UCONN wins! I thought they were gonna choke. I saw the last 7 minutes. Things went fine with Lady 516. It was good to see her. Things were normal and we are still friends. So that good.

Another 6.5 hours of class today. I am exhausticated. But i still can't sleep. Not sleeping well all week. I think i am just exhausted on all fronts. Arizona has started to spank Coach K's team. ARIZ by 11. I picked Duke. This tourney is always insane. That's why it is the spectacle it is.

I hate American commercials. Same ones over and over. US TV is so obnoxious.

Spanish La Liga games will be canceled April 2, 3 because the League wants NO games on free TV, normally just 1 on La Sexta (6) at 22:00 on Sabado. Dbags. There's 20.4% unemployment here! It's like the Grapes of Wrath. Everyone involved in football is a millionaire! You are trying to squeeze even more cash out of the little people! Spain is going backwards. Still. Moreso.

I am lucky to have a lot of work.

I am reading Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. Futuristic science fiction. The Handmaid's Tale was freaking great. It's futuristic dystopian. It was chilling. She is nuts, which is why i guess i enjoy her stuff. Dark. She could go round for round with George Orwell.

Like any other day

00:20

GO UConn. And I still have a fighting chance to win our NCAA pool. We shall see what happens.

The Academy approved my midterm on the first go round, which was nice. I shall give it this Friday.

I'm meeting with Bayside manana after work. She contacted me and was into getting together. We'll see what happens.

Lotsa work. Bender Night was fun last night, as always. Guron, Carla, Dave, Kelly - all the ususal suspects.

Is that all i have to say? Yes. Yes it is.

Turn that jungle music down....

14:44

I heard from the Bayside today. She IM'd me on Facebook about my stupid flatmate. Unexpected to hear from her. She said she missed talking to me. I wanted tell her that i miss Bill Clinton but that it's not going to bring him back as President. She's a strange woman really.

Had a class at 11:00. They just extended the Metro line 2 out there. It opened last Miercoles. I took it back. Quite handy.

Shower. Eat microwave pizza (only choice) and then like another 4.5 hours of class.

....That it's just a spasm
Like a Sunday in T.J.
That it's cheap but it's not free
That I'm not what I used to be
And that love's not a game for three

Babylon sisters shake it (you gotta shake it baby, you gotta shake it)
Babylon sisters shake it
So fine so young
Tell me I'm the only one
-Steely Dan

00:31

Ugh. SO tired. Tomorrow is Bender Tuesday. I only have 3 classes and it's one night i don't have to work late during the week. I get done at 20:30. Then go to J and J's and hang with the regulars at the local. It's the simple things.

But i don't feel like sleeping yet. That's what happens when you only get home at 23:00.

I'd write something funny but i believe i am Brain-Monday-Dead. Hasta manana.

In the Long Shadow of My Exile

I survived against the will of my twisted folk But in the deafness of my world the silence broke -Porcupine Tree

Well, i pretty much finished writing the Midterm for the MBA program. That was a bitch. 5 parts; writing, grammar + phrasal verbs, listening, speaking, reading comp. 3.5 hours it will take. Fuck me, that's a long ass test.

Well, as you can see, the blog now has a page counter. A lot of people must still read, so thank you. This part of the blog only goes back to Sept. 2009. Duke is beating on Michigan even though Mich, is on an 8-0 run. I can watch it on CBS.com. Sweet.

Back to work tomorrow. Ugh. Not a long enough weekend. And Atletico lost to Real Madrid for the 9th straight time in La Liga since i arrived. Real also eliminated them from the Copa Del Rey in January.

Life is just kind of like having my leg in a bear trap right now. Well, not that bad. But it's been rough going the past two weeks.

It's been a week and i haven't heard anything from Bayside Woman. Not that i really expect to. Maybe never again. Either way, i made a good decision.

It was 69F today. That's 20.5C. That's 293.71 Kelvin, in case you're doing a science experiment back home in North America.

Mich. has climbed back. I hate Duke but i have them in Kevin's pool. I haven't watched an NCAA game all season.

Time to chill a bit.

"Follow me down to the valley below
You know Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul
Come to us, Lazarus
It's time for you to go"
-Porcupine Tree

Welcome to the PRC

One sound, one single sound
One kiss, one single kiss
A face outside the window pane
However did it come to this?
-Pink Floyd


Not the Grand Old Party
The GOP (Gay Obsessive Peruvian), Juan, who i rent from, never brought more propane, even though i told him it was running out three weeks ago. His is so cheap and lazy and doesn't now how to cook. He microwaves everything and only eats pre-cooked stuff. He scolded me when i walked in at 00:00 on Tues for taking one of his rolls of toilet paper. He told me a few weeks ago that he wanted me to move. I told him to fuck off. I'm either not moving (you can stay in a flat for like 4 months without even paying how the laws work here). Or if i move in May Maria and i will discuss me living there til the end of July.

I really don't care that he's gay (Gay sister, Gay friends- no worries!, and i really don't like thinking about anyone having sex but me) except the guys he has over are creepy. It does bother me that he's crazy obsessive and effeminate as hell. He's a gay man with fake Hispanic machismo. The last guy he had over, they were both sitting drinking 16oz cans of beer with sports jackets on. WTF?

And still this ceaseless murmuring
The babbling that I brook
The seas of faces, eyes upraised
The empty screen, the vacant look
-Pink Floyd

After i was here too weeks, he said, "You are a very good cook." I just looked at him like it was a joke. "I'm cooking grilled cheese," i said. I mean, c'mon. Colin T. or Brendan S. could cook grilled cheese. I bet i could teach a chimp to do it.

And he's accused me of being dirty ( my room's a wreck but i am the only one who cleans the kitchen and bathroom, i'm never in the sitting room). I clean up after myself.

But here's the spot on truth. I've never heard or seen him come out of the shower. He does not bath. I have other friends who say their male Peruvian flatmates also never bathe. But having OCD does not mean you are clean. It means adhering to your stupid set of rules and guidelines. Trust me, i know.

A man in black on a snow white horse,
A pointless life has run its course,
The red rimmed eyes, the tears still run
As he fades into the setting sun
-Pink Floyd

SO La Profesora and i will talk. Maybe i'll go back to Getafe for the last few months.


Not the People's Republic of China
Things were going so well. Bayside, new flat. Then it all imploded. Getafe is so far away. But how can i find a place for 3 months. I hate people who are SO difficult to live with. How can you be 31 and not know about personal hygiene or know how to cook? But that's life in the PRC (Peruvian Refugee Camp, which i call my house). And i don't say a thing. He has a PROBLEM with me. I am a very demanding renter. I expect the toilet to work (you have to shut the water off or it runs, so the you have to fill the tank before you flush). You have to wear shoes in the kitchen because nothing is properly grounded and you get a shock when you turn on a light or put clothes in the washer in bare feet. And i expect gas so i can use the stove top. The oven has never worked.

Welcome to the PRC.

Well, some day i'll be dead. That's the good news! Then i won't have to worry about all this shit! I just need to hang on for the next 40 - 50 years.


I will always be here
I will always look out from behind these eyes
It's only a lifetime
It's only a lifetime
It's only a lifetime
-Pink Floyd

The Statute of Liability

Thanks for all the fan mail. From Mum;

Keep running! Soon you can meet a crazy American woman here!

That's depressing for so many reasons i can't even begin.

American Laura;

So you just ended it? Wow, that was a very mature decision.

So, off to teach tonight. Had some good laughs with the usual suspects last night. Got home at 3:00. Ugh!


Shower - eat- go to class. It never ends!!!!! Today's class; risk management, activities and vocab in the Market Leader Text- NY TIMES: Limits of human foresight in Japan. The following article about how Japan has overcome cataclysm before;
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/11_13/b4221011428458_page_3.htm
Debate: Nuclear Power- in light of the Japan Crisis, should it be pursued?
Dude, i am such a geek. I am actually excited to teach all this.

Give me your hungry for knowledge, your tired, your poor, your scuzzy masses..., I'll warp them. -Inscription, Statute of Liability, Newark, NJ

Oh, and AENA and the government, who is privatizing 49% of the company, came to an agreement to avert the airport strike set for April 20. Just 1 day after posting about it, a deal gets done. Behold the power of The Spanish Exile Blog! Now that i have averted a national crisis, i smell and must shower.

SABADO

3:2o

i go sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping.

I met a lovely women last night. A scientist from Sweden. We geeked out together. But she mentioned her girlfriend, so i think she's gay.

Typical for me. So typical.

It's an Eminence Front
It's a put on
-The Who

Either way she swings, it was a nice night. Putting Bayside in my rear view mirror. I stink therefore i Spam.

No work til 16:00 tomorrow. 69F manana. No way i'm wearing pants tomorrow.No freakin' way man!

post-dramatic stress syndrome

Jueves is a comedy mag here, like MADD, joking about the fact that Spanish Airport workers are threatening to go on strike Semana Santa (Easter week) and paralyze Spanish Tourism. AENA runs the Spanish Airports. The Spanish government had to declare a state of emergency for the first time in the country’s 33-year democracy to halt a wildcat strike by air traffic controllers just before Christmas.
People here don't seem to realize that the Spanish Government is broke, that unemployment is still 20.4%

we drove the car to the top of the parking ramp
on the 4th of July
we sat out on the hood with a couple of warm beers and watched the fireworks explode in the sky
-Ani Difranco

JUEVES 13:25

1st class canceled, which was fine as i didn't fall asleep til after 5:00. I worked til 22:30, got a bite, and then came right home. Not sleeping to well lately. I guess my brain is a bit scrambled from all the drama at the Bayside. But it's over now. That's something at least.

St. Patty's day. Memories of my youth, marching in the NYC parade with the O'Learys. That was fun. Cold but fun.

Wow. Another cancel but i get paid for this one. I guess now i really do need to do laundry and clean my room.

Well, i didn't sleep well Lunes but slept well on Martes. Miercoles was also sleepless, so tonight should be fine. I'll go to J and J's after my only class ends at 19:30 Meet Laura for a beer. See what happens. Maybe meet up with Brian too. He's Irish. But it's a WAY bigger holiday in the USA than in Ireland. Strange eh?

Black the sky, weapons fly
Lay them waste for your race
Black the sky, weapons fly
Lay them waste for your race
-Porcupine Tree

14:46

Just chatted with Tamara. She is well. She'll be in Cadiz in the south in May so i may go down for a weekend. Man, i miss that chick.

Some unimaginable before/after pics of Japan. Those poor people.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3466563/Japan-before-and-after-images.html

And this thing with the nuclear reactors is not going to end well. It's a nightmare. It'll take years to rebuild. Maybe decades.

Must .... leave ....bed....

And in your sad machines you'll forever stay
-Smashing Pumpkins

Today 61 and sunny! Sunny and low 60's all weekend!

Cara said, "...So you are back on the market."

NASDAQ? NYSE? Please help. I am confused. Contused. Confetti.

Get out of bed you lazy sack of sugar!

Musica;

Mellon Collie - Smashing Pumpkins
Anesthetize - Porcupine Tree
In Absentia - Porcupine Tree
Shiver - John Wesley

SEVERED

School out invective, losing my voice
Film shredding on in multiple choice
America calls, I must go
Oprah saviour, I feel that low

No sense of time
Sever tomorrow

Exitless mind - ESP Sever tomorrow
-Porcupine Tree

i am really good at keeping my promises. For the most part my word is iron. But i'm not always so good at keeping promises to myself.

April 2009, Note to Self; (after breakup with La Profesora) - "Seriously dude, you have to fucking run at the next sight of a woman you are with going crazy."

8/3/11 - Black Tuesday; Bayside Woman goes crazy.

12/3/11- She tells me she likes being with me but i may have to deal with some 'crazy.' I try to walk away without making eye contact.

13/3/11- Texts me. "I'm antsy. Bored" I text back - "So go out." i'm not willing to get sucked in.

14/3/11- Text to phone. Hope you're having a good day!
15/3/11- I text her saying that i just can't do crazy just now. I need space. Contact me in a week or two, or whenever you have had a chance to work through your own stuff. You know where i stand. She texts back. Ok, unexpected, but fair enough.

End Transmission

Unexpected? She really is nuts (fade to black, door slams and we hear running footsteps echoes down the alley).

Last Tuesday brought back some bad memories of arguments with Sue where i just had no idea what was happening. None. Baffled. But i was willing to give her a lot more slack as i had been with her 15 years. Not 6 weeks!

SO, i did what i promised myself i would do. I walked away. I have severed ties. At least for now. Good for me.

Good me! That's a good me!

Peace

21:19 Domingo

Whew! Just watched 25th Hour. Screen play by David Benioff. He wrote the book, as well as City of Thieves (About the siege of a Leningrad in WWII) and all of the X-Men screenplays. Spike Lee directed. Ed Norton, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Barry Pepper. I fucking hate Barry Pepper! I don't know why, i just do. Susan always found it hilarious. "But why?" she'd say. "I don't know. I just fucking hate him!"

Great movie, about a heroin dealer who is about to go away for 7 years and how he spends his last night. Fantastic!

I stayed in all day and was abominably lazy. Good for me. Listening to the therapeutic sounds of Porcupine Tree. Lying in bed like a fat ass. Washing myself with a sponge on stick.



Ha! I crack myself up. That must be the first sign of insanity. Or the seventh. I forget how far along i am.

Something to say
Something to do
Something to believe in
Something to prove
-Porcupine Tree


Why are people (a particular woman, in this case) so strange? How come i always feel like an astronomer staring through a telescope, trying to qualify and quantify something not from our world? Is everyone as awkward as i feel? If so, i am sorry for you poor bastards.

But all is well. An easy day. No pants. Beer. Sandwiches. Porn. Other non-erotica films. All quite nice before we (i mean i) gear up again for another 6 days of work.

And peace. At peace with that whole other mess. Peace. Pieces.... Reese's Pieces...... Piecemeal....pee.....pizza.......ummmmm......pizza......

Sleeping. Peace.

_ _ _ _ _
That dead seal down at the pier isn't going to poke itself!
-Louise, Bob's Burger's

Cleaned. Ate. I am a sloth. I used to watch them walk across the noise wall along the Dulles Toll Road when we lived in Virginia. Did i really live in Virginia?

urge to kill.....fading... -Homer Simpson

Baseball is getting close. Anyone interested in Fantasy Baseball, just email my people as we will have a league.

Just walk away slowly and don't make eye contact.....

The shutters are down and the curtains are closed
And I've covered my tracks
Disposed of the car
Trying to forget even your name and the way that you look
When you're sleeping
Dreaming of this

Way out
Way out of here
Fade out
Fade out, vanish
-Porcupine Tree

Well, it's over. Not officially, as Bayside Woman took a very "I like you and we'll see," stance, but i think she's just a mess mentally and maybe even just seeing if she can control me. So, while we left it quite noncommittal, i have decided i am done. Walk away slowly and try not to make eye contact. I really don't want to play games. And she is an iceberg of issues. You can only see the top but there's a whole lot more below the water's surface. And sadly, she's just needs to grow up a bit for a 35 year old woman.

So, on my part, no texting, IM chatting, phone calls. I feel relieved actually. I knew how this end after Black Tuesday. So..... off i go. I have a life to figure out anyway. Back to anonymity. Run some Black Ops. I'm so close to Northern Africa it would be un pecado (a sin) not to.

Way out of here.

No work today! It's 12C / 55 F. Rainy. It's going to rain til Jueves i think. SO far it looks like a day to stay in bed, drink beer, and prep lessons. At least it's not cold. It's been a bitch of a week.

But... at least it's just me now. I like me. Having known me a long time i accept my quirks and shortcomings. I am now looking at the possibility of staying in the US til December and then heading somewhere else in Jan. I just don't see how i can do what i do in the US without going back to school, to which i say FUCK THAT! I don't want to pay for it and i don't want to do it.

I have;

• An English writing degree
• An English Literature degree
• A minor in History
• A minor in Peace and Justice Studies
• An MBA in Marketing

Why would any sane person need another degree? Or an insane one?

I was thinking about Japan.... but i think it's safe to say that's not really and option now. Those poor people. The video looks like scenes from INDEPENDENCE DAY or some apocalyptic movie. And the Japanese are well prepared for earthquakes! They do not do things half-assed. But this quake was enormous.

I helped American Laura move some stuff before I met Bayside. She's moving in with her boyfriend Tim. Her old flatmate is an asshole so she asked me to go with her, just in case. He wasn't there

Everybody looks to Jersey for 'muscle.' Even Texans. It was good see her and bounce some of this stuff off of her.


So I got all these things, but so what?
In the end you can´t take them with you
You think you can save my soul? Well Ok...
Tell me, with all your conviction
What happens now?
-Porcupine Tree

Jumpsuit at the Ready

Mum sent me a link to a streaming video of The Running Man. Subtle as ever. Thanks Mum!

Well, Bayside Woman canceled on me last night because "the weather was nasty." It's called 'winter.' Now we are supposed to meet tonight. Ugh. If she cancels tonight i'm just gonna end it by email or text. I hate stringing things out. If we are done, let's put it in the books. I'm already bored of the whole thing.

"You handle rejection well?" She asked me on Tuesday. Not sure why.

I said, "Look. I was in sales for 15 years. You get rejected a lot. I write novels. You send them out and people say 'we're gonna pass' all the time. When Mel and i told our father in 1982 that he should call us once a month or maybe not at all, he never called again. I play drums. I tried out for several bands when i was younger and never got the gig. People listen to the Platypus all the time and say 'what the hell is that!' My wife (after 15 years together) had an affair while we were still married and had another dude's child . Yes, i can fucking handle rejection!"

i'm not immune. i'm not invulnerable. i don't internalize it. i'm not alone. i have a tremendous family and unbelievable friends; you good people who spend your precious time reading this crap every day, for example. But i'm me. Unlike Charlie Sheen, i don't have tiger blood or Adonis DNA, whatever the hell that means, but the last four years have been a tremendous growth experience for me. And i learned as a youth that except for your core group of a few close people, there's no sense in giving a god damn what people think of you.

I really want to say 'Duh, Winning!' but i'm going to stop there.

Somewhere along the way i stopped caring about things that don't really matter. So let's get this over with Lady 516, because then i am going out drinking with American Laura!

Tuesday: She said, You need to know more about me. Ask me questions cause i won't volunteer information.

I asked her about twenty. No, not that. No....wrong question. That's not what i meant!

"Tell me about a song that means a lot to you. That you just love. Or a book you read."

Stop asking me English teacher questions!

"Do you know what i do for a living? I'm an English teacher. Hobbies; i write novels and play drums."

"Tell me about your childhood. Why did you leave the states? Why did you leave finance? What's you favorite sexual position (i mean, we've only been together a few weeks.) What do you want to do with you life? Why don't you want to have children? How in the hell can you actually listen to Steve Miller?!!!"

Each one was flatly and roundly rejected.

Our modest function . . . is to organize the Apocalypse.
-André Malraux

The solitary question she did answer? Her favorite color is bluish-purple. Not even that could be simple. And i'm kind of color blind in that part of spectrum, so i'm not even sure i know exactly what that color is. Fucking hell.

Well dog, I know we're not in Kansas—the sky's all colored wrong

-Big Country

Time to start running.

Here is No Why

(Prepared to Run Like Hell)

Mum sent me a copy of Fatal Attraction through email with the message RUN BABY RUN. Always nice to have her weigh in.

Well, we'll meet tomorrow, come what may. It'll be for the best whatever happens.

And in your sad machines
you'll forever stay
-Smashing Pumpkins

2:04 now. Long day manana. Maybe longer than i ever imagined.

Run Rabbit Run
-John Updike/Pink Floyd

Note to Self:
Maybe i really am ready to settle down in Maine.

"Lobster tail. Lobster claw. Lobster bisque. Chicken-fried lobster. Lobster ravioli. Stuffed lobster (with lobster). Lobster waffles. Lobster rolls. Green eggs and lobster...."
-Forest Lump(ed Lobster)

In the cold light of day

I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part

Collapse the Light Into Earth
I won't heal given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay

Collapse the Light Into Earth
-Porcupine Tree

Seven hours of class today. Whew! That's a lot. Things are chaotic and confusing. I would expound, but i'm not really sure myself. Just a perfect storm of weirdness and exhaustion and annoyances. Bayside women is showing signs of craziness. Tuesday was just weird. In short, she seemed to be looking for a fight because everything is fine and that's never happened to her.

WTF?

I have a lot of experience with crazy women (see Marriage, Maria, etc). So i know you just let them keep talking until they finally stop. To try to halt that flow is like stepping in front of a freight train. Then you just walk away slowly without trying to make eye contact. It was all just so unexpected. She said she still loved and thought about Jesus (ex) and was conflicted. I told her i was open to a break or whatever if she wanted to clear her head. Nothing was decided. She was mostly just spewing random thoughts. I guess we'll talk the next time i see her. Whenever that is. Or i might just run and hide. It was so out of the blue! We had always said we were just having fun. There was no talk of what the future would bring or that her retired police man, gun loving, conservative father would freak if he saw me with long hair and a beard (editors note; at time of posting, there has never been any talk of me meeting her parents as i live on another continent from them. We both do. Also, hair can be cut, as it probably will be to get a job when i come back to the US.) My gut tells me to just walk away. After two years, I know she can be crazy and irrational. As nice as it's been, i'm not overly invested in the whole thing. I have no idea where i'll be 5 months- physically (where), mentally (things are so simple when i'm on my own).

Well, i'm sure we'll talk. But i'm putting on my running shoes, just in case.

Lunes, part 2,231.7

So let me fill my children's hearts
With heroes tales and hope it starts
A fire in them so deeds are done
With no vain sighs for moments gone

-Big Country

Well, bad news from your side of the planet. Sue's cousin, Stephen, died on Friday, very possibly an OD. He had trouble with drugs his whole life ever since he had a very bad leg brake when he was 17. He was a tortured soul if i ever met one. Horribly sad. He was like late 40's, early 50's i suppose. Sue is fine. Her and Annie did not go cuz there was no wake, just a burial. Horribly sad. Her Uncle Stevie has lost his wife and two sons in the past year or two.

I found out yesterday thanks to the Seester. I hate Lunes. But life goes on. We all go on. And on and on and on. The constant ebb and flow. So to lighter things....

I'll see Bayside women, as i usually do on Tues. Only 2 classes today - lotsa cancellations, but i'll still have 25 hours this week.

And in case you're playing at home, yes- i roughly figured how many days i've been on this planet and divided by 7, to get a rough idea of how many Mondays i have seen pass me by.

Better

The Green Grocer Girls

17:23

I am better, but not 100 percent. Lady 516 (Carolyn) has been sick as a dog this weekend, so it's been a week since we've seen each other. I've been sick for a week, which is a long time.

Lessons for this week are prepared. I started making the MBA Midterm which will be on March 25th. They did presentations this week and they were awesome.

I am enjoying the 41 hour period between Sat at 18:00 and Monday at 11:00 that i don't have to freaking work. Ashley had a Carnivale Party. It was fun. Maria and Paloma came too. It's 57F but i have been in bed all day. Unwinding. I was going to play drums but not sure i have the strength nor desire to be so motivated. Laziness rocks. And i don't feel horrible like last week.

i should eat something.

And finally into our world,
Do you know what,
You let yourself in for

And finally into out world,
And lord knows what,
You let yourself in for

What have we sown, what have we sown,
Just shut your eyes until you've flown,
Wherever you are, wherever you are,
I'll be with you
-The Pineapple Thief

18:12

i showered. I often go without a scrubbing on Monday cuz it's a decent walk and cold wait at the bus stop at 1o:30 in the morn.

Okay- i'm gonna meet Bayside Woman for a recuperative beer at 20:00.

i should still really eat something.

Grill cheese? Booo Yeah!

If i haven't said it lately, i love and miss you all. :)

Porcupine Tree at Radio City on Sept 24th! Who's in?

Sometimes it's the simple things.

The Past

When we get old, i guess we loook to the past. It has been a very rough week. But i am listening to the first live Wayward Platypus Album, when i really kind of sucked as a drummer, and loving it. Man, it's SO progressive. We eventually became our own thing, our own style. But Science blowing sax on HATRED is crazy. We are so Crimsonesque. And IF I SAW YOU IN DENVER is a fan fave. The tens of you. I am sick but recovering. Woman 516 (Bayside woman) is sick too. First Fri since our first tryst we haven't met. She said she misses me. I miss her too. What a nice thing!

I have not listened to this in a long time. The Platypus was fledgling. Nothing like BRUNCH WITH THE RIVER MAN which is us at our best and as a 3 piece, but that was a decade long evolution. Jim and Mark and I had to grow into that. I was just starting to become the drummer i am today. Years of playing help you improve.

It's been a hard week. But i live to fight another day.

You want a piece of me?!!!!

Gravity Eyelids

sleep comes like a drug
in God's country
-U2

6:00

I've slept so much the past two days, maybe that's why i can't sleep. But i do have like 6 or 7 hours of class today. But i am finally feeling a bit better.

close your eyes

breathe deep

everything is lovely

nothing can hurt you

your pillow is like a perfect set of hooters to rest your head on

adios

sayonara

later

let it go.....................................................

Back

1:07 Jueves

Don't give me your steak-reared milkboys, milkboys
Half alive on empty white noise, white noise
I got power, I'm proud to be loud;
my signal goes out clear
I want everybody to know that Mozo is here
On the air
On the air
On the air
-Peter Gabriel

Okay. Mac is fixed. The morons at Corte de Ingles sold me the wrong power adapter when i bought it in Nov. It was only 60w. I need 85w. Wankers. The battery, which i thought was the problem, is fine.

But i woke up sick on Monday. I think i am slowly turning the corner towards health.

Happy Birthday Colin Tietjen, who is 11 today. Happy Birthday Megan McFadden, who turned - how old- 6 maybe? - on Monday

I have many tales to tell, but i'm too tired right now. But all is well. Lots of work, Carolyn, henceforth to be referred to as Bayside Woman (from Long Island), is fine. I come to Spain and i am with a gal from Long Island? My life is like a perpetual inside joke. But things are great with us.

I have so many friends, including the Seester, who were born at the end of Feb or first week of March. WTF? Does everyone's parents go on vacation in May?