jueves, 26 de julio de 2012

Time out of mind

Everything is surreal. Trying to settle your accounts in Spain is like trying to put a man on the moon. This is something Spain has never done. 

I was at Dave's watching his cat, Spez, so no Internet there. She ate some plastic and had to have an operation 2 days before he left. She has a cone on her head but she is fine. 

It's hot. So goddamned hot.

I think i'm losing my mind. Finally. Really. Totally. For good this time. 

Dream so vivid i swear they were real. Until i realize they were with people from grammar school, high school, Fairfield (when we were still 22), old jobs, etc.

And i am suffering a Welsh Witch hangover. I miss her. I'm somewhat haunted by what could have been. Now, i am normally one to just except things and walk away. It doesn't mean i might not pine over them for a bit, but i move on - just look at what transpired with Sue and i. There is a period of grief and mourning and then you get on with it. 

But at my Good-bye to Me party, her friend Carol (she is English of Jamaican descent so we always talk about Jamaica and have a lot of fun together.) She said "Jay's a great guy. Why don't you just marry him already?" I was fucking floored. 

Her sister got married yesterday in York. She sent me a message saying they were at the wedding dinner and there was utter silence.  And then someone asked "So are you and Jay a couple?" 

Seems she's the only one who can't see it. But it doesn't matter. If she doesn't see it, she doesn't see it. Besides, i am leaving. And a 15 year age difference is a hell of a thing. I'll be fine. 

It's just the stress of leaving getting to me. 

UFO = Unlimited Freak Out

Not to worry. The US has good insane asylums, so i hear. And i'll be helpful. 

"What size straight jacket?"

 "42, sir."

"You look more like a size 40 to me."

"I like loose-fitting clothing." 

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