miércoles, 9 de marzo de 2011

In the cold light of day

I won't shiver in the cold

I won't let the shadows take their toll

I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part

Collapse the Light Into Earth
I won't heal given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay

Collapse the Light Into Earth

-Porcupine Tree

Seven hours of class today. Whew! That's a lot. Things are chaotic and confusing. I would expound, but i'm not really sure myself. Just a perfect storm of weirdness and exhaustion and annoyances. Bayside women is showing signs of craziness. Tuesday was just weird. In short, she seemed to be looking for a fight because everything is fine and that's never happened to her.


I have a lot of experience with crazy women (see Marriage, Maria, etc). So i know you just let them keep talking until they finally stop. To try to halt that flow is like stepping in front of a freight train. Then you just walk away slowly without trying to make eye contact. It was all just so unexpected. She said she still loved and thought about Jesus (ex) and was conflicted. I told her i was open to a break or whatever if she wanted to clear her head. Nothing was decided. She was mostly just spewing random thoughts. I guess we'll talk the next time i see her. Whenever that is. Or i might just run and hide. It was so out of the blue! We had always said we were just having fun. There was no talk of what the future would bring or that her retired police man, gun loving, conservative father would freak if he saw me with long hair and a beard (editors note; at time of posting, there has never been any talk of me meeting her parents as i live on another continent from them. We both do. Also, hair can be cut, as it probably will be to get a job when i come back to the US.) My gut tells me to just walk away. After two years, I know she can be crazy and irrational. As nice as it's been, i'm not overly invested in the whole thing. I have no idea where i'll be 5 months- physically (where), mentally (things are so simple when i'm on my own).

Well, i'm sure we'll talk. But i'm putting on my running shoes, just in case.

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